Support and education around the subject of birth
Birth Forward is an islandwide non-profit Organisation, which provides support and education around the important subject of birth.
Our mission is to connect the parents and health professionals to promotes Evidence Based Medical Practices and European Standards which are all supporting natural birth when possible.
It blows my mind how quickly people turn from “How cute is your baby?” to “It’s about time to make another one!” which can feel like someone stabs you in the heart. But, personally, I don’t mind straighforwardness, instead I welcome it because I have started to get more and more open with myself and others and this has given me a sense of freedom and calmness that I never had before. Sharing has been the reason that I kept going when our second’s baby tiny heart stopped beating at 9 weeks gestation because by sharing I was keeping his/her memory alive and that was exactly what I needed. But it has grown to be something more because when I first shared about it as a caption to a photo I uploaded on my Instagram, I received so many messages from women who had to go through the same thing and they were keeping it a secret because of a number of reasons but they felt that it was ok to share it with me because I also shared it with them. So this is my story. And I hope you can find some sort of comfort by reading it because if you read this, you probably go through something similar.
To take things from the beginning, my husband and I have been together for almost a decade now and our love is unquestionable. We were married in June 2015, we went to our honeymoon in July-August 2015 and in October 2015 we decided to start trying for a baby, we were both ready and we wanted it so much! We were ecstatic to find out that we got pregnant the first time we tried and we were more ecstatic at 12-weeks to find out that our baby was healthy because both of us are carriers of the beta thalasseamia gene which means that we have 1/4 chance that our baby will have beta-thalasseamia.
I had a smooth pregnancy even though I was working long hours and was stressing myself out. Getting pregnant was easy for me and the pregnancy was easy too! The only difficulty was when was my water broke at 39 weeks and I had to have an emergency c section which was really hard for me at first but I recovered beautifully and then, in October 2017, we decided to start trying again.
Getting pregnant the first time was easy for me yes, but not the second time around. I know my body and I know when I ovulate, I can feel all the symptoms. Yet, every single month, my period was coming. After 7 months of trying, I decided to visit my gynecologist even though everyone says to wait one year before asking for help but given that my husband and I have that 1/4 chance of our baby having beta thalassemia and all the complications that come with it, I did not want to wait. I had a screening and some blood tests to see the levels of my hormones but everything was normal so her recommendation was just to keep trying and not stress about it. I know that stress is also a factor but by that time, I had quit my stressful job and decided to become a stay at home mom until I manage to find a balance between motherhood and career.
Eventually, after 9 months of trying, my period did not come! Needless to say, we were both thrilled because we would finally give to our beloved son a sibling! I went to my gynaecologist at 5 weeks and she confirmed the pregnancy, at 6 weeks 2 days we heard the heartbeat and everything was going smoothly! One night, I had very light bleeding but I was not worried because it was very very very light and it was gone after 2 wipes. It is afterall very common. Everything was going great with my pregnancy, I only had mild pregnancy symptoms, fatigue mostly but nothing else. I was able to do everything with my toddler just like before, I was just careful to not pick him up because he was 14kg and I did not want to have any complications caused by picking up so much weight so early in the pregnancy.
And then, at 9 weeks 2 days I had another routine appointment with my gynaicologist. Everything was fine until she told me there was no heartbeat. No bleeding no cramps no anything miscarriage related. Just no heartbeat. Something about abnormal chromosomes, bad shaped embryo, dead for 2-3 days, not my fault. Really, I couldn’t hear anything after not hearing the heartbeat. I cried the whole drive home. The next day I had a D&C procedure performed. I was crying before the general anesthesia and right after waking up from it. After a few hours I left the hospital with an empty uterus. I went home to our son and started healing both physically and emotionally but I knew I was forever changed.
There are so many women that suffer a miscarriage yet it is such a stigma to share it for some reason and most of them suffer in silence, especially those who haven’t been able to have any children yet. But I have the need to publicly share my miscarriage and my pain because it is the only way to publicly acknowledge the existence of our beloved unborn baby who will always be a part of our family and our hearts and grieve its unbearable loss.
When someone asks me if our son is our first child I answer yes. If someone asks me if he is our only child I respond with we had a miscarriage and we lost our second baby at 9 weeks pregnant. Because this is a fact. This is our truth. Both are our babies. Our babies. We will try again. As I write this article, I am calm. I am ok. I know that 1 in 4 pregnancies results in a miscarriage. It can be scary but this is nature. There are days that I still cry. But I remember him/her every day and I do not cry every day.
In Cyprus, at 40 days after birth, the mother and the newborn go to the church so that the priest can read blessings to them. I did not know until my grandmother told me a few days before my 40-day after miscarriage period that the mother still goes to the church 40 days after miscarriage. Needless to say I was devastated even though I am religious. How can I go to the church for blessings without a child? Without my baby in my arms? But I reluctantly went. I was crying like that first day that I learnt that there was no more a heartbeat. I struggled telling the priest what I wanted and he had to ask me twice because he could not understand what I was saying with my crying voice. And then he started reading me the blessing. By the end, I was able to breathe again and even smile. It was so comforting and cathartic for me.
In a world that keeps spinning no matter what you are going through, never stop seeking what truly works for your. For me, it is sharing and trusting in God’s plan. Loving truly and deeply. Forgiving (this I still have to work on!). Never letting go but also keep going. Life is a gift and it must be enjoyed! If you lost a baby, it is ok to grieve for as long as you want. If you struggling with getting pregnant, it is ok to be frustrated. But at the same time, find the strength to live with it. Because if I learnt anything from my experience is that life is worth living!
Yours truly
Anthi Savva Radis
You can find out more about Anthi here.
The My Book Heroes team has written this Guest Blog to try to answer some of these questions…
These are some of the questions that led Dr. George Land and NASA to create a highly specialised test that measures creativity. The test was designed to challenge the participants ability to create new and innovative ideas to certain
problems.
The participants were 1.600 kids aged 4-5 years old and the results were… well… let’s use the word
“astounding” to describe it:
1. A staggering 98% of the participants ranked on the genius level in terms of creative
intelligence!
2. Five years later the same 1,600 kids were tested again but this time the percentage dropped
to 32% and to a 12% low when the same kids tested at age 15.
3. What followed was another test made on adults 25 + and which resulted to a low 2%.
It is important to note that the results were replicated more multiple times. The study confirms what we all suspected at least once in our lifetime: That our educational system suppresses creativity. But because reformations take time, the next best thing we can do as parents is to fill in this blank of our educational system and help our kids maintain and evolve their innate ability for creativity so they can
carry it with them into adulthood as well.
It all starts with understanding and acceptance that everything around us was invented and created by
other humans, that everything is susceptible to change or evolution and that every time it starts with an
idea.
What we as parents can do to help our kids understand and accept early on, is to show our kids that side
of life that school doesn’t; let your kids find inspiration where they feel engaged to. Let your kids know about the inventions, the ideas and the things you like and admire the most in the world- explain them your whys and don’t think twice to talk to them about the era, the civilisation or the people involved; then ask them to do the same with the world around them and make sure that they ask
you good questions – by doing this systematically through the years we are teaching our kids to think in
value while schools mostly teach us to learn and remember..
As Rimbaud placed it – ‘Genius is the recovery of childhood at will’
Creativity comes naturally with our birth and it needs to be developed and cultivated primary by our
environment.
But as the study of Dr. Land and NASA confirms, if we stop nurturing the creativity we were naturally born with, the creativity will most likely stop nurturing us before we even get into our adult lives. In other words the childhood of our children is a golden opportunity for us parents as well to nurture our innate creativity further and either give it a boost or wake it up.
What we can do as parents is to engage ourselves into consistent quality time with our kids where we all together need to think of alternative ways to make things happen! By placing our kids in new situations or new environments and circumstances where normal things must
be figured out in alternative ways and with equal parts of emphasis on inner monologue and on dialogue and collaboration (always under our wise and proactive supervision as adults and parents) we help BOTH the kids and ourselves to think in new creative ways which leads to the development of new pathways; or neuron connections in our brains and so we literally developing our creativity skills!
So yes, creativity is equal parts nature and nurture.
It’s not as much about healthy eating and exercising (even though that scientifically both are equally and much needed to maintain or even enhance your mentality and so your ability to be creative) as it is about the emotional environment.
Here, the parent is the sole leader!
We need to embrace an environment where we judge less and we try to understand more. Everything around us and everything that happens or happened or will happen it only does so to be understood. No matter how you feel, focus and try not to let your reaction on the events of life be judging but a form of understanding instead. Judging is not nice in general and for a variety of reasons but it becomes dangerous when it comes to mentality and creativity because a habit and an attitude/atmosphere of judging creates the so called bias in the psycho-synthesis of the individual and bias is but a jail to the mind that won’t easily go away and won’t let creativity grow and flourish.
And last but not least, here at MyBook Heroes we know that reading books is a huge contributor to creativity! How can you use books to inspire further? Every time you read a book, go ahead and ask your children:
– What are some other alternative endings to our stories?
– What other ways could the Impossible Possible Team use to solve problems?
– What are some other great ideas for books?
Engage them and guide them to understand that their opinion matters and that everything in this world and change for the best!
We are the creators of our lives!
We owe it to ourselves to teach our kids ‘otherWise’
Join our incredible movement of remarkable books!
We deliver confidence to kids worldwide.
To read 8 Reasons Why MyBook Heroes Books Deserve Shelf Space in Your Home click here. Remember, MiC Members get 10% off every order they make at MyBook Heroes using this exclusive code << MIC10 >>
Hey mamas.
Georgie and I have been feeling all sorts of anxiety as the first day of school looms in the background. We had a wonderful carefree summer -and a week in Spain – so of course he doesn’t want to go back. But it’s more than just that it’s the feeling of separating from home and from mama and papa. it can be so unnerving for parents- it was and still is for me- so I looked into ways of dealing with separation anxiety.
Check the blog to find out more.
let’s look forward to a loving new school year
x
Lisa Gargaro Sleep Co is creating new personalised Sleep programs every week for families out there who are struggling to get enough sleep. However, the truth is that even if she can create the best laid plan for you, your baby and family, it will not be effective if you as parents are not ready for your child to do this.
So for Lisa, as a sleep consultant, the first big question she asks is: Are YOU ready to make this change and to undertake sleep training with your child?
If you don’t know or are a little unsure, take a look at this 10-step checklist that she has created, to help you make that decision and determine if you and your baby/toddler are ready for sleep training!
Babies learn early on what feels good (e.g. being in mummy’s or daddy’s arms) and what doesn’t (i.e. dirty, wet nappies). This leads to an instinctive reaction to cry. They learn that when they cry, they will get a clean diaper or will be held and comforted. A new-born baby has limited self-soothing abilities and if these are not developed, over time they will learn that a need can become a want.
Your previously great-sleeper may also suddenly develop ‘sleep regression’ at around 4 months old, with frequent sleep problems occurring. You may convince yourself that your every-two-hour-eater is genuinely hungry or needs comfort. But eventually, once you have started to run up a sleep debt yourself, you’ll find yourself asking and wondering whether they really need it as much as they want it. Is the only reason they “need” it because that’s all they’ve ever known, or because they can’t sleep without it?
Your baby does have the ability to learn new ways and methods to sleep. Far and wide across the world experts discuss the ‘right’ age to try new methods, however, each family is different and setting an exact age may not be helpful. There are two key elements to finding the right age to start. Firstly; whether you believe that your baby has the ability to learn a new skill and form a new method of putting themselves to sleep, and secondly and more importantly; do you wish to help them learn this new skill for themselves so that they can self-soothe independently, ensuring they are well rested to give them the best possible chance to grow and develop?
The timing has to be right for both you and your baby. Many experts would agree that a 3-6 month old can learn to self-soothe, but it may be right for YOUR family to wait until baby is 12 months’ old. This can depend on your baby’s temperament and a whole host of other factors. Nobody knows your baby better than you and only you can figure out the right time to do this for them. Keep in mind that you can always try, take a break and try again a bit later on if you doubt your timing at any point after you have begun.
You decide the timing that is right for you. The difference between hearing your 16-week old or 6-month old fussing or crying, versus hearing your 11-month old is very obvious. Whether you decide to use a no-cry method or a crying one, there is always going to be some difficult and uncomfortable moments to deal with. So ask yourself: are YOU ready for some rough days and/or nights? Are you able to deal with it when it may get harder, for a few days once you start, before it gets easier?
Sometimes, it is our own expectations that are to blame for our baby’s perceived ‘sleep problem’. Ask yourself: “Is your 8-month old breastfed baby still waking up once a night to eat?” For many, that is A-OK and age-appropriate while for others, this is not acceptable nor wished for. We know all babies are different and sometimes you just have to adjust your expectations of them. Once the expectations are lowered and you stop comparing between your baby and your neighbour’s, you will find this does wonders to your outlook and your family.
You know that you NEED to sleep train your baby, when the thought of having to wake up every hour to put a pacifier in the baby’s mouth cannot go on any longer. Or for those of you who do have appropriate expectations and don’t feel you have a true ‘baby sleep problem’, only you can decide whether you need to sleep train. Some families say that even getting up once a night is just brutal months and months later, so maybe your sleep training is about getting a full night’s sleep. Similarly, others have experienced increasingly severe side-effects to sleep deprivation such as suffering with various health problems, daily difficulties in functioning, or even depression. One client told me recently that she never understood how sleep deprivation could be used as a form of torture until she had a baby. This is something that I can totally relate to!
You are able and willing to commit to the time needed to undertake sleep training. One of the most important aspects of my support as your consultant is setting appropriate expectations about how long sleep training will take. Some people get frustrated three days into the training when changes are not happening fast enough for them. I would ask you to first consider how long your child has had the current sleeping habits. For some toddlers, sleep training means you are changing habits which they have had for as long as two or three years! To be clear, results come rarely overnight (though sometimes they are!). However, most people will have at least some success within one week and for older children, approximately two weeks. These changes will help give you the boost you need for the long haul!
You are ready to be 100% consistent and patient with the program and with your child. Changing strategies daily or even hourly can lead to more crying and frustration for both you and your baby. Consistency is necessary as this will create the security needed for your child to change their learnt sleeping behaviours. I like to use the analogy that this is similar to yoyo dieting versus a more sustainable and effective “lifestyle change”. Therefore, sleep training should not be seen as a crash diet. You need to be consistent both in the short- and the long-term.
So, are you truly ready? A key part of success of the program is patience. Even more so if you are using a no-cry sleep training method, you need to be prepared to be patient. You would never expect your baby to learn to walk or talk in a day, so you can’t expect him to learn new sleeping skills so quickly.
You are ready to invest in your family by asking me to be your family’s sleep consultant. I will create your personal family plan. We will decide what your goals are and the steps you need to take to achieve them. By investing in my support as your sleep consultant, it helps ensure results are achieved and maintained. I can help you adapt the program, keep you motivated and stay on track throughout.
What I have found from speaking to my clients is that my guidance during the program is invaluable to helping them see a clear path ahead through the ‘brain fog’ they have due to their lack of sleep. The added support from myself also helps keep them focused and motivated, with the knowledge that I care deeply about their family’s progress in achieving independent sleep for their child.
No major changes occur in one day, they take planning and dedication. Life has a habit of throwing curve balls at us that we don’t anticipate, which is why my experience and training as a sleep consultant means we can work together to make changes to your plan, and work through it together until we have achieved your goals.
You need support to help you through this process. Sleep training can be very emotional and draining and without the confidence needed, the best of plans can fail. It is helpful to have support whether it’s in the form of your spouse, a friend, or myself. Success happens when you have someone you feel accountable to “check in” with and they can help keep you going. Some of my clients have lacked the support at home but were still able to succeed due to the support that I happily offer.
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I hope you find this article helpful in making the decision of whether you are ready to tackle the emotional task of sleep training. Alternatively it may have given you the answer that it is okay to wait until the time is right. The only person who knows what you live with day-in and day-out is yourself. I believe that by listening and trusting your own instincts, they will take you far and where you need to be.
If you’ve tried sleep training on your own without success, you are not alone; many, many parents struggle to get their babies and toddlers sleeping well. What you may need at this point is an expert to help you through the sleep training process. By contacting Lisa today, she can start creating a personalised sleep plan for you, your baby and your unique parenting style. The plan will take you through every step of the process, detailing the schedule for you to follow, with Lisa available at any time to answer your most pressing sleep questions.
Once you have made your decision and wish to start your sleep consulting package simply contact her via your preferred method and she will be in touch soon to start the process.
Lisa has created a special one-hour sleep consultation package EXCLUSIVELY FOR MiC MEMBERS. To find out more, click here.
t: 00357 99260557
Skype name: dream.sleep.club
I am Lisa Gargaro, an expert sleep consultant and I can produce a personally tailored individual sleep program for your baby which details exactly how and what you will need to do to help your baby or child to sleep independently for 10-12 hours each night. With good sleep, the behaviour of your child will be dramatically improved as a result. Please contact me directly to chat about how I can help you, making sleepless nights a thing of the past and every night a great one from now.
If you are an adult who suffers from insomnia I am also able to help you sleep. With a personally tailored sleep program and with the use of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), we can train you to sleep so you don’t view bedtime as the enemy anymore.
Being a mother of 4 children I understand & relate to how important it is for the whole family to sleep, this is my passion & goal to help other families achieve this by helping them gain the knowledge & support they may need.
website: www.lisagargarosleep.co/
facebook: @LisaGargaroSleep.co
Hey mamas.
So in this week’s blog post I talk honestly about what life is like with three kids. A seven year old, a toddler and a baby. I would love to hear from you and your honest accounts about how parenting has pushed you to your limits. I’ve come to the conclusion that talking about everything, the good, the bad and the ugly can be very therapeutic.
much love
eleni
Remember when your teen was a baby just learning to walk? And how much you, as a parent, have learned since then? Child proofing the house, doctors’ appointments, first day at school, many tears and lots of joy.
And just when you thought you had worked it all out, adolescence walks around the corner and knocks on the door! Oh boy…but just as this time bears many challenges for you and your child, it holds just as many amazing new moments of bonding and connecting.
Do the challenges feel rather big and you’re looking for support in your parenting skills and for practical tools? Would you like tips on how to problem-solve, communicate effectively and respectfully, cope with emotions (both here and there!) and experience puberty in an atmosphere of mutual respect affirming both your and your child´s self-worth?
Then this workshop is just right for you! Starting on Wednesday January 31, It runs over a period of 7 weeks with a weekly meeting of 2 hours at The Family House in Nicosia. Classes are held in a relaxed atmosphere with drinks and snacks, making everyone quickly feel comfortable.
Through experiential activities you will learn practical tools of parenting, making the transfer from class to your home much easier. Further the “Parents helping Parents” exercises enhance exchange and support among the participants, contributing to the positive learning this workshop offers
The workshop runs over a period of 7 weeks with a weekly meeting of 2 hours.
Classes are held in a relaxed atmosphere with drinks and snacks, making everyone quickly feel comfortable. Through experiential activities you will learn practical tools of parenting, making the transfer from class to your home much easier. Further the “Parents helping Parents” exercises enhance exchange and support among the participants, contributing to the positive learning this workshop offers.
Topics addressed are:
The class is based on Positive Discipline a program designed to teach young people become responsible, respectful and resourceful members of their community. It teaches important social and life skills in a manner that is deeply respectful and encouraging for both children and adults.
5 criteria for Parenting with Positive Discipline are:
The workshop will be held by Gabriele Kaiser, Family Counsellor, certified Positive Discipline Trainer and mother of 4.
The location is: The Family House Nicosia, a newly opened Family Education Center, offering a variety of educational courses starting from Pregnancy, aiming to substantially improve the bonding, health and well-being of families and children from before birth onwards. It strives to support parents in every aspect of family life, no matter in which family phase they are and invites families to socialize, learn and develop. For more information please visit the Family House website and their Facebook page.
Costs: 165€ incl. Parent Workbook
Registration: info@the-family-house.com
NEWS
For those of you who may not have seen them this week, here’s a roundup of the three most popular posts we shared on our Social Media pages this week:
JUGGLER’S TASK LIST SERIES
This week, Penelope brings us a Video Blog in Greek: “Αφιερώνετε χρόνο στη σχέση σας?” Πόσο χρόνο αφιερώνετε καθημερινά στη σχέση σας? Βρίσκετε χρόνο να μιλήσετε με το σύντροφο σας και να μάθετε τι πραγματικά συμβαίνει στη ζωή του ανθρώπου σας? Είστε απορροφημένες στην καθημερινότητα και στα τόσα πράγματα που πρέπει να γίνουν που ξεχνάτε ότι είσαστε μια ομάδα και ότι πρέπει να λειτουργήται σαν μια ομάδα?
Next week: Juggler’s Tip #3 in English!
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WHAT’S ON
Little Muse Storytelling Theatre “The Giving Tree” in Larnaca on Saturday morning.
Pissouri Bay Christmas Market all day on Saturday.
And more! Click here to view events by city, date or category. Organising your own event? Click here to upload your own event for free and get the chance to be featured in our popular #FunFriday Social Media post!
See you online… it’s where we all get together!
Kali evdomada,
Carine and Kat x
Hi, I hope you'll enjoy this episode of Parenting with Ease series. I talk about one of the things I consider THE MOST IMPORTANT in parenting (and in life) – the power of slowing down. It looks to me like by slowing down, we access some kind of 'fast lane' to results, to connection, to clarity, ti inspiration and to feeling alive
Posted by Karolina Magdalena Gladych on Wednesday, 27 September 2017
In Part 1 of this series, Karolina talked about how many of the daily frustrations we encounter in parenting, can come about through our expectations of our children’s behaviour rather than the behaviour itself. In Part 2, Karolina talked about understanding how our negative state of mind can contribute further to these frustrations and through clearing our minds of these negative thoughts, we can reach a calmer state and form better connections with our children.
Advice versus your own instincts
I am not an expert on parenting. I might be an expert on how the mind works but if it comes to parenting, I am learning just like everybody else. I believe parenting is a lifelong learning project and we always have a chance to discover something new. And it really helps when we are kind to ourselves and accept our mistakes.
In the age of experts there is a tendency to think that someone else knows better. We often dismiss our intuition and common sense. But when our head is clear and when we are content, the best ideas come to us and we know what to do. The solutions are relevant to our unique family, not to the family of the ‘expert’. I don’t mean that there is anything wrong with reading books or talking with specialists but I do suggest that we ultimately trust our own instincts. It is beautiful when someone else’s experiences or knowledge inspires us and leads to our own reflection and insights but it can be dangerous when we take what others say as a prescription and follow it blindly.
What proved to be helpful in my parenting?
One of the most important things I’ve understood is that catastrophising, judging or blaming myself or my children, worrying about their future and complaining will very likely lead me into a low mood. I know that in a low mood I am not the best mum I can be and I often respond in ways that can make the situation worse. I also know that whenever I catch myself worrying, complaining or engaging with the rest of those not-so-pretty mental processes mentioned above, I also have the capacity to ‘jump off that train of thought’ – something that will eventually make me feel better, see clearer and be a wiser, more playful and loving mum.
How do I ‘jump off the train’ of negative thought? It is very simple… just by refusing to engage with thoughts that create negative states. I don’t need to push them away, control them or even let them go. I just don’t engage with them and eventually they will pass.
When I remember the fact that underneath the disturbing behaviour of my child (and I know very well the screaming, kicking, hitting, running away, refusing to do what I ask for etc.), there is a person who wants to feel happy and who wants to connect. I don’t buy into my judgement and drama and it is easier for me to have more distance and respond lovingly to my child and it always helps them to calm down and cooperate.
We don’t need to always ‘fix’ our children, it is very beneficial for all to allow them appropriate degrees of freedom when it comes to what they do and how they express themselves. I recently listened to a podcast in which a mum shared this funny exchange with her 2 years old who was crying in the car even though he was comfortable, fed, etc:
Mum: “Why are you still crying?????”
Toddler: “Because I am not finished yet.”
It was amazing for me to hear from several parents who came to me with parenting issues, how their relationships with their kids improved and how their children’s behaviours changed thanks to one simple change on the parents’ side – they relaxed more.
No kidding.
As they stopped worrying and being tense, they suddenly dropped into a more natural state of connection, communication and common sense.
This is something that you can also train yourself to do, if you step back from the situation… Breathe… Clear your mind of negative thoughts and relax in the knowledge that there is no one else in the world with a better connection or need for such connection, than you and your child.
This concludes our series with Karolina. Thanks go to Karolina for giving us the motivation and chance to step back and see that those momentary frustrations in parenting don’t have to become lasting ones if we take the time to break that negative chain of thinking.
Karolina Gladych is a psychologist, a trainer and a transformative coach. Since 2007 she has been working extensively with educators, leaders, parents and clients from all walks of life from all over Europe. Karolina especially loves working with women who want to reconnect with their inner strength and wellbeing, live with a deep sense of joy and ease and successfully create something unique and meaningful in their personal or professional lives. In September 2017 Karolina started her Parenting with Ease video series that can be found on her website http://www.karolinagladych.com/parenting-with-ease.
You can find out more about Karolina’s work, view more of her Parenting with Ease videos and book a session privately with Karolina here:
http://www.karolinagladych.com
Parenting series episode 2. A story about Aliki not wanting her dinner and a shift from frustration to lightheartedness.
Posted by Karolina Magdalena Gladych on Thursday, 21 September 2017
You can read the first part of our #AskTheExpert with Karolina here.
You are human. You will get upset and frustrated, take things personally and behave in ways that you wish you hadn’t. But it doesn’t need to last long. Every moment presents an opportunity to wake up and start fresh. If you yelled at your child, you don’t need to beat yourself up and tell yourself how terrible a parent you are. Neither do you need to try to justify this behaviour by telling yourself how uncontrollable or disrespectful your child is. Nor do you need to over analyse this situation, or worry and complain to yourself or to others how difficult parenting is. We all make mistakes. It’s okay to apologise, take a deep breath and let your mind settle. And from a more settled state, the issue will look very different… You will know exactly what to do. Perhaps talk to your child, maybe let go and forget, or maybe ask someone for help. A clear mind is magnetic to insights that will bring new knowledge and prove to be helpful.
Your child is having a meltdown and you are understandably having negative thoughts about it. It is these thoughts, not your child’s behaviour that are creating your feelings. With hindsight, your child’s behaviour will probably look totally differently from what it does now, in the moment, where it appears like a monster-sized problem.
The more we realise that we live in the world of thought, the less and less we blame our frustration and upset on both our children and ourselves. We see it for what it is – momentary thinking that brings certain negative feelings. It starts passing much quicker and we start to fall into wellbeing and clarity more and more. We all have built-in resiliency and if we do not give in to these upsetting thoughts, we can bounce back to wellbeing and clarity quite easily.
When we act under stress or what I sometimes call ‘urgency mode’, we are less intelligent in our actions. By this, I mean that we literally have limited access to the part of our brain that is able to think with creativity, abstraction and logic.
If we focus only on our child’s behaviour, we will not be able to solve problems in a sustainable way. We need to take a look at what is underneath this behaviour. What they’re doing makes complete sense to them according to their thoughts in the moment. When we are curious about what is going on for our child, we get a chance to see their needs. We can ask: “How does the world look to my child right now? How does he feel? What might he need?” … We need to look towards the innate health, wellbeing and resiliency of a child (and of our self) to see something new, fresh and helpful.
When we are in a frustrated state of mind, it may look like the question we need to find the answer to is “How do I manage my kids and myself, given how hard parenting is?”. But this is a question that comes from a negative state of mind. When we are in a loving place, challenges look different and we are more likely to find solutions that work. The more helpful question is – “How do I spend more time in this loving place and how do I do as little damage as possible when I am not in that place?”.
Techniques and strategies will do very little if you don’t understand that your feelings come from your thought in a moment and our experience of life is changing moment by moment as our thoughts change. We can have a different relationship to our thinking – we can either buy into it and get entranced by it or we can have perspective and be more present. Let’s say your child threw rubbish on the floor (even though so many times you explained that we throw rubbish in the bin) and you are upset. Thoughts like these can pass through your mind: “Why did they do it again? I must be a really lousy parent since I cannot discipline them. Why is he so mean? What will his grandparents say when they come to visit and they see this behaviour? How terrible will it be when she’s a teenager” (or any other version of judgemental and worried thinking). You can take your thoughts really seriously and feel bad, perhaps yell at your child or sulk or worry. Or you can be present in the moment – you understand that you are thinking insecurely and that this is making you upset.
This awareness creates some space between you and your thoughts and it gives you the freedom not to act on them. The rubbish on the floor has no power whatsoever to make you feel anything, just your thoughts do. You take a nice deep breath and allow your mind to settle. You feel calmer, you see more clearly and from this state of mind you know much better how to handle the situation. What to say and how to say it will come more easily… and it will be spot on-because you are present and responsive to the moment.
People, especially children, don’t respond to our words but to the feeling from where the words came. It is much easier to work out problems from a lighthearted feeling whether you are dealing with a toddler or with a teenager. Thinking harder when you are upset or worried will not give you helpful answers. You can hear your wisdom when you allow the noise of your thinking to settle.
We will continue this parenting #AskTheExpert with Karolina next week, where she will talk about trusting your parenting instinct… So, stay tuned!
Episode 3 of the parenting series. Very often the reason why we struggle to implement a change is that we aren't totally clear that the change is right for us at given time. In such situations it is helpful to stop pushing and allow ourselves some space around the issue. Once clarity emerges, changes, even challenging ones, go much more smoothly. I share a story about Aliki's sleeping arrangement to illustrate it. Enjoy and feel free to get in touch with me with any questions, reflections or stories to share
Posted by Karolina Magdalena Gladych on Saturday, 23 September 2017
Karolina Gladych is a psychologist, a trainer and a transformative coach. Since 2007 she has been working extensively with educators, leaders, parents and clients from all walks of life from all over Europe. Karolina especially loves working with women who want to reconnect with their inner strength and wellbeing, live with a deep sense of joy and ease and successfully create something unique and meaningful in their personal or professional lives. In September 2017 Karolina started her Parenting with Ease video series that can be found on her website http://www.karolinagladych.com/parenting-with-ease.
You can find out more about Karolina’s work here:
http://www.karolinagladych.com
Hi, I decided to start new video series about parenting. I hope it will be refreshing and help some moms and dads see that they do not need to be perfect nor they need to follow other "experts'" advise. They can trust their own instincts and they have all it takes to have healthy and connected relationship with their kids. In today's episode I am sharing a story that showed me that my experience of parenting can change from struggle and hardship to ease and bliss in a second.
Posted by Karolina Magdalena Gladych on Wednesday, 20 September 2017
Parenting can be wonderful, enriching, inspiring and… frustrating. It seems to me as if there are ‘natural’ frustrations such as lack of sleep; noise; less time for reading, going out, enjoying movie marathons, your hobbies or whatever grown up activities you enjoy. I don’t want to underestimate these frustrations but they are quite… natural and easy to handle in light of the joy of parenting. On the other hand, we have the more sneaky and sticky frustrations that come from… our expectations. To name a few, we might expect our kids to behave well and cooperate all of the time; we expect from ourselves that we should be able to make our children happy; we expect that we should have a perfect life-work balance; we expect to be healthy; we expect our kids to eat vegetables, brush their teeth and so forth.
Once these expectations nest in our heads, they start looking real and we can quickly lose sight of the fact that they are constructed… we start living as if they were the objective truth. We strive towards them and when the reality doesn’t match, we feel frustrated. This frustration can come in different flavours – you might feel cheated by life, you might feel hurt, guilty, ashamed, angry, scared or sad. But in all of this, we have forgotten one essential thing – that we’ve made those expectations up or have taken them from someone else/our cultural or social norms as if they were true. As a result, when these expectations are not met, we risk losing our curiosity, playfulness and unconditional regard to ourselves and to our children.
The stronger a connection we have with our children, the better our chances are that we will be able to work things out with them. A strong connection also increases our children’s chances of developing deep positive values that will guide them through life way beyond their childhood. Connection is built when we share happy moments and when we are there for them in the sad ones. It is not built by manipulation through punishment and reward, or by preaching about what’s right and what’s wrong.
I cannot overestimate the power of connection. Reflecting on my own childhood, in the moments when I was being disciplined, the connection seemed to be gone. It felt like my parents were sending a message: “Either you are good and we love you, or you are bad and we are angry with you”. In this way, I couldn’t learn how to have challenging conversations while still maintaining a rapport.
It was essential for me to discover that that it is possible to discipline a child and also feel connected at the same time. It doesn’t serve anyone to discipline a child from an upset state. As in business, we don’t want to make important decisions or have important conversations with our clients when we are upset. We want to do this when our head is clear. The same applies to parenting: we want to capitalise on our clarity and well-being, while minimising the damage that comes from being upset.
We will continue this parenting #AskTheExpert with Karolina next week, where she talks about how changing our negative thought processes can help ease our parenting frustrations and how this awareness will enable us to be present and responsive in the inevitable crisis moments that occur in our parenting journey.
Karolina Gladych is a psychologist, a trainer and a transformative coach. Since 2007 she has been working extensively with educators, leaders, parents and clients from all walks of life from all over Europe. Karolina especially loves working with women who want to reconnect with their inner strength and wellbeing, live with a deep sense of joy and ease and successfully create something unique and meaningful in their personal or professional lives. In September 2017 Karolina started her Parenting with Ease video series that can be found on her website http://www.karolinagladych.com/parenting-with-ease.
You can find out more about Karolina’s work here:
http://www.karolinagladych.com
Theoretically and biologically, having a kid defines you as a mum. However, unless you can do at least five different things within 60 minutes, you still haven’t become a real mum. Mothers have plenty of jobs, not only the ones that get paid. They have to take care of their kids, prepare at least three meals a day, do all the chores, and basically keep the whole house from tearing apart. If you’re still not entirely sure, here are some things to help you better define your motherhood.
Yes, these will become your breaks. If you can only vaguely remember the time when you could enjoy warm baths for an hour or so, then you have definitely become a hardcore mum. Now, there isn’t time for applying the conditioner or exfoliating your face, and your kids might even follow you to the bathroom. If you can pull off spending at least 15 minutes alone in the bathroom, Bingo! The rest of the hour will be reserved for many other things, such as doing laundry, cleaning the bathroom or preparing fun baths for your children. However, if you ever feel like locking yourself in the bathroom for a couple of minutes and just sit there doing nothing, don’t be ashamed. Every real mum has done that because we all need short breaks from everything.
By now, you probably have problems with thinking of new meals for your little ones. And who can blame you? You basically have like an hour a day to prepare lunch and your kids might even insist on helping you. So, while they are banging the pots against one another and spilling food, you need to prepare a whole meal and clean up the leftover mess. Most super mums like “cheating” in these situations and they seek salvation in various KitchenAid accessories, such as beaters and mixers, that can speed up the whole cooking process. With these, you can even finish half an hour earlier and devote the rest of the hour to cleaning up or even playing a bit with your kids while your oven does the rest.
Motherhood has slightly longer days; approximately, 4 hours longer. That number can vary, and that really depends on how old your child is (with newborns you might even manage to pull off 2 hours of sleep). These extra hours of enjoying the day will help you get everything done. As soon as you put your kids to sleep, you will see that your chores are awaiting. Dishes and laundry won’t do themselves, will they? All the toys are not going to just walk back to their place like in Toy Story. That’s all a job for a mummy. However, if you are motivated and fast enough, you will get your half an hour for chugging down a glass of wine and hitting the sheets.
It is safe to say that even the most skilful CEOs envy all the mums in the world. Every supermum possesses the most amazing organizational skills because otherwise everything would probably fall apart. Mummies can organize everything, from an entire home and their cars, to kids’ days, plans and even the schedule for their bathroom breaks. Nothing can stand in the way of a mum, because as soon as something slightly changes the plans, she needs just a few minutes to reorganize everything and get back on track.
Yes, mums are amazing! What would take most people a fair amount of time to accomplish, mums can do twice as fast. They are skilful, organized, and they are very fast because they have so many things just waiting to be done. One way or another, every mum certainly has superpowers.
