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Tips for smoother lockdown living

By MiC Carine 05/04/2020
Lockdown Living

Congratulations to us all…two weeks of official lockdown are behind us

To be exact, it’s been three weeks of stay-at-home since schools closed down. What an achievement! (who would have thought we’d ever have to celebrate such a feat)

By now we will all have adapted to indoor confinement with various degrees of success – however we may define success for ourselves – and with previous comfort patterns no longer relevant, we’ve all had to carve out new parameters for our family lives to evolve in.

If you haven’t yet implemented some of these strategies in your home, you might find a couple of our suggestions useful.

Stop talking about corona virus all the time

Remember the never-ending news cycles about Brexit? Climate change? War in Syria? Migrant crisis? They don’t seem so important to the media anymore now, do they? Yet they all remain out there, none of these issues have suddenly gone away. There’s still more to life than the coronavirus. As much as possible, try to maintain a sense of new-normal in your home. Not just for your own personal mental health, but it helps provide a sense of stability and consistency for your children, no matter their age. We’ve mentioned the importance of limiting our use of social media in order to keep all that negativity and confusion out of our hearts. The same actually applies to the TV news channels, especially the overly dramatic ones. The situation is bad, and it will get worse before it gets better. As far as this virus is concerned, we don’t need anyone telling us over and over again.

Yes, school is important, but there’s more to life than that

If you have the privilege of your children being schooled online, you’re probably already in some sort of a set morning frame. Home schooling is undoubtedly filled with its very own multitude of new challenges…but let’s not get into those…just remember that children across the world are being kept home, a large number of them will fall behind academically, fact. The schools are aware and will adjust the course accordingly. It doesn’t matter so much right now, honestly. Let’s use the time to also teach our offspring the much lacking life skills. How to boil an egg, cook pasta, make a bed, change a tyre, sew on a button, manage our money – the list is endless, and these topics are just as important (if not more so!). Recap on the day, give everyone a chance to say what they liked and disliked, use the info to shape an improved tomorrow.

Everyone needs Me Time and personal space

No matter how much love there is to go around in your household, being on top of each other 24/7 can become ‘interesting’ for any family. Even more so if you haven’t got the added space of a balcony or garden, and/or have multiple children but not enough rooms for everyone to retreat to for a little privacy. Why not assign each member of your household a specific area in your home that’s exclusive to them, a safe space they can use if they do not want to communicate and prefer to be alone? For younger kids this can be a ‘cave’ under the dining room table, a ‘tent’ pitched over the bathtub or anything else that works for you. Time to let them get really creative and respect their choices, however crazy they seem to you.

Once the ‘novelty’ of home isolation wears off, establish a new routine

Who doesn’t love a pyjama day or two (or more)?! Pure bliss. Constant munching and grazing?! Bring it on. Maybe a wineglass, cocktail, beer or two? Or three? Yep. But about that…weeks into the lockdown, this really should stop for the sake of our mental and physical health. A structured day is an important contributor to feeling in control, despite the fact that nothing much is up to us anymore. Once you’ve binged on the new-found freedom from the alarm clock, timetables and to-do-lists (in case you’re not working from home), find a new routine to suit the needs of everyone in the family. The best way to do this is together. Brainstorm, prioritise and decide how to move forward, so that everyone’s basic needs are met. Determine a group hour every evening where one of you is in charge of entertainment and gets to pick the game to play, movie to watch or music to listen to – together.

Bend the old screen time rules and pick your battles

Let’s face it, screen time restrictions that worked in BC times (aka Before Corona) cannot be considered reasonable today. Online schooling already adds a considerable amount of computer hours to our children’s daily lives. Don’t feel guilty about allowing more online entertainment than you would normally – it’s not their fault that the quota is reached so quickly. Instead, maybe (if needed) fun screen time could be used as a positive motivator or reward for your kids’ morning class efforts. If you haven’t done so yet, research new websites, educational games and online courses for them to use productively. The internet is awash with free stuff like never before. Unusual times call for unusual methods, and as soon as our movement restrictions are lifted, the weather will be fantastic for spending entire days outdoors again. Save your sanity for the more important stuff that possibly needs addressing – whatever this may be in your home.

Make it memorable for the right reasons

This staying at home thing has to be considered a marathon in order to shift our mindsets out of a passive mode into an empowered one. You can finally learn Greek! Take that online course! Read that book! Learn to play the guitar that’s been in the corner all these years! Blablabla? Yes, it’s not all rosy. Because if we’re truly honest, when we finally emerge at the end of this tunnel, nothing will ever be as it was in this world. We’re living history, writing the pages of tomorrow’s chronicles, living a bit of the future even. And while the global economy will be redefined, some of us will lose our jobs and have to find new ways to sustain a living. But then again, ‘different’ can also become ‘better’. Give your lockdown a soundtrack and dance.

A note on what to do if nothing works

Should your personal circumstances be of a nature that makes this lockdown period mentally or physically unbearable to you, it is vital to remember none of this is your fault. Do not be ashamed or blame yourself. Please, please find the strength deep within you to ask for help. Take your phone to the toilet or bathroom for a personal moment if you can, and get in touch with these confidential helplines

Cyprus Samaritans phone 80 00 77 73

Domestic Violence phone 1440

Children and Teenagers until 18 years phone 116 111

Our favourite websites and apps – Episode II

By MiC Carine 07/01/2020

Information is Beautiful

We are exactly one week into 2020 today, and according to the latest news the world looks rather bleak (at least that’s what we’re being told)…endless devastating fires, useless international political show offs and hopeless local reunification gridlocks abound. Makes you want to bury your head in the sand and wait till the *&^%storm blows over.

But wait!! Not all is miserable and depressing on our little blue planet!

According to the World Economic Forum there has never been a better time to be alive in human history:  ‘In aggregate terms, the human race has never had it so good. Life expectancy has risen by more in the past 50 years than in the previous 1,000. When the Berlin Wall fell, two-fifths of humanity lived in extreme poverty. Now it’s one-eighth. Global illiteracy has dropped from one-half to one-sixth in the same span of time. With a few tragic exceptions, a child born almost anywhere today can expect to grow up healthier, wealthier and smarter than at any other time in history.’

We just don’t hear about all the positive stuff going on!

Yet there is beautiful news to be had daily, and it’s wonderfully uplifting.

Did you know there’s a website that offers an endless collection of good news, positive trends, uplifting statistics and facts? The information is beautifully visualized in easy to comprehend charts and it’s accessible to everyone!

Women can finally vote everywhere, the HPV vaccine has slashed infections, famine deaths have plummeted globally, recycling 30 plastic water bottles earns you a free trip on the Rome metro…it goes on and on. The data is sorted into categories and there’s a daily newsletter available.

Information is Beautiful aims “to move our attention beyond dramatic news headlines to the slow developments and quiet trends that go unseen and uncelebrated” by releasing a chart every day for a year, and we are absolutely loving it!!

Click here for your daily dose of reassurance that not all is doom and gloom!

2020 looks bright after all 😁

 

‘Mum, is Santa real?’

By MiC Carine 12/12/2019

How to have ‘The Santa Talk’ – a tried and tested suggestion

 

We had to come clean to our boys last Christmas. It was high time, after we managed to keep The Secret for one final year in 2017 when they were aged 10 and 9.

Both had started to doubt Santa’s existence a couple of years prior, as they heard from a friend with older siblings that Santa wasn’t real (there’s always that ONE KID, isn’t there?!). Undeterred though, we kept insisting that he visited children’s homes. And we got away with it.

But instead of triumph came guilt. Lying to them straight to their adorable, cute little faces felt highly disturbing, and we couldn’t think of a way out without confessing to both that we had misled them with lies. Because let’s be honest, it wasn’t just one lie, it was many.

Depending on your country of origin and the traditions you observe, you may have also lied to your kids about the toothfairy, the Easter Bunny, Sankt Nikolaus, and whoever-imaginary-else you grew up with, right? That’s a lot of stories. But you can trust your instincts, you will know when the time has come to enlighten your child.

For us it was last December. We decided that if we were to break the news that Santa (and his gang of friends) wasn’t real, we wanted our lies to have a purpose. We needed to present the truth with a deeper meaning, explaining why we led them to believe in Santa in the first place. Yet we couldn’t quite find the right words to justify the charade for ten years, when at the same time we were raising our children to never lie. They were already starting to say things like ‘Santa must be real, you wouldn’t lie to us!!’

Inspiration was needed, and the internet was consulted. By researching how other parents had tackled the Santa talk, I came across a variety of ways to address the issue. Some funny, some thought provoking, others not suitable for us.

We settled on the letter that children’s book author Martha Brockenbrough penned to her own daughter, explaining Santa while upholding the magic of Christmas. It went on to inspire her book ‘Love, Santa’. 

Adjusting it where required to suit our needs, we presented the boys with it one Sunday morning at breakfast.

Good thing we had a tissue box nearby! It turned out to be a beautiful moment.

So here is a copy of the original, may it help you the way it helped us (when the time is right…) ❤️ 🎅

Merry Christmas! 🎄🎄🎄

Our favourite websites and apps – Episode I

By MiC Carine 25/10/2019

News-O-Matic

Would you like your children to become interested in the world around them (beyond your local community), but find watching the evening news together too daunting? I know we did when our boys were little.

I believe that when kids get to a certain age, we have an obligation to offer them insights into what living in this world is really like. We cannot shield them from the (ugly) truth forever, nor can we pretend bad things do not happen out there. Because if we do, and they find out the hard way, they may be unprepared to process their emotional response to negative events – however small or big, whether it affects them locally or not.

Children talk among themselves at school. Even if we don’t want to burden our own with the sad news that another terrorist attack / plane hijack / suicide bombing has taken place, they may hear it from a classmate in a way that may make them anxious and scared of going outside.

Controlling the narrative of daily life – while we still have the opportunity – is essential to preparing their malleable little brains for the realities that lie ahead, for all things positive as well as negative. But we don’t always know how, so a tool that helps us find the right approach can come in handy.

Enter ‘News-O-Matic’, which our two boys have greatly benefited from over the years.

 

 

News-O-Matic is the first daily newspaper just for kids, which provides an exciting and engaging, always age-appropriate experience for children. As they mention on their website ‘thanks to its unique combination of editorial and technology, News-O-Matic creates innovative solutions to help children become tomorrow’s responsible citizens. It gives young readers a window into the world — and a reason to love reading news.’

 

Totally true! A daily email for parents gives you the heads-up on the issues covered, along with meaningful conversation tips on the topics raised, whether good news or bad.

Here’s a screen shot of that mail from a week ago:

 

You can select the age range and the language (currently available in English, French or Spanish), and they have a version for use in schools. There’s a free trial period, then subscriptions are either monthly, for 6 months or annual. Best money ever spent!

We cannot recommend this enough, and no, this is not a commercial endorsement.

Just try it and let us know how you like it in the comments below, your feedback is more than welcome!

Access the website from here, with the app available on the App Store and Google Play. There’s also a version for Kindle.

You heard it here first 😉

What does your child really think of you?

By MiC Carine 08/10/2019

No matter what parenting style we consider ourselves to have, our children are bound to have their own interpretation of it.

The same goes for what they truly think about us.

We may think we know, but the reality of what actually goes on in their minds could be quite different.

Well, wonder no more…we’ve got some questions you can ask your kids that will help you uncover their true thoughts on mum (and dad too of course, just change the questions accordingly!).

You can make a conversation out of it, or you can ask them to write down their answers and go through the replies together. Either way, there will be loads of laugher, fun and enlightenment ahead. Promise!

Here we go:

11 Questions to ask Mum

  1. What makes mum happy?
  2. What makes mum sad?
  3. How do you know mum loves you?
  4. What is mum really good at?
  5. What is mum’s least favourite thing to do?
  6. What does mum always say to you?
  7. If mum were a character in a book, TV show or movie, who would she be?
  8. If mum won a million Euros, what would she do with the money?
  9. What is the most important thing mum has taught you?
  10. What makes you proud of mum?
  11. What do you most like doing together with mum?

Have fun!

…and please feel free to add your own questions for all of us in the comments section below, the more the merrier!

 

 

What to do when your child is scared of the dentist

By Flowstate 18/07/2019

In all fairness, no one really looks forward to the annual dental checkup, let alone to an unplanned visit, and we all know at least a few adults who reluctantly make the appointment when first signs of pain kick in. This fear sometimes comes naturally, but it can also be caused by a previous bad experience, and it’s a particularly tricky issue with kids.
Here are a few long-term strategies and ideas for a calmer approach that can be enough to make the experience much more positive and help your child slowly overcome their fear.

No room for panic

While it’s perfectly natural for a child to start crying when they feel pain, many parents overreact with panic and a wave of flustered questions, which only makes the child feel that there must be a good reason for fear and alarm. This is why it is important to always have a calm approach when you are getting ready to go to the dentist. You can crack jokes about the issues, promise some fun activities after, anything to make the trip there a lot less scary.

Consistent communication

Since we as humans tend to fear the unknown, it’s completely expected for a child to feel anxious about a visit to an unfamiliar place, and any form of physical contact from a stranger can feel as invasion. Anything from reading stories about dentists in general, discussing your family dentist, to talking about their profession from a very positive perspective will ease your child into the idea of regular visits.

Mind your language

However, if you do invest so much time and effort into familiarizing your kids with dentists and dental health, you’ll need to stay consistent as far as your words are concerned in these critical situations. Brief explanations based on positive and neutral language will help you cover the essence, maintain your child’s trust and avoid causing fear and anxiety. In addition try to simplify the explanations, you can give examples and tell stories from other family members’ experiences, making it easier for them to understand.
Words such as “pain” or “shot” will scare even the mighty Hulks among grownups, let alone a child with a toothache. All it takes is a reassuring smile and a few words of encouragement and your child will feel much better.

Get involved

In addition to regular visits and a positive, accepting attitude, if you practice what you preach, your child will likely respond much better to your consistent behavior than your words alone. While some kids will enjoy the stories and the books, if your kid prefers a more hands-on experience, then you can create a puppet show, or roleplay and pretend to have occasional visits to the dentist.
And if your kid is still uneasy once you arrive to your appointment, you can always offer to sit in the chair first and show them that there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of. And while that familiar sterile smell, piercing light and all the equipment might be daunting, a positive atmosphere can make all the difference. If your family dentist can make a few adjustments to add colors, cartoons and make it more comfortable, then even better!
Even the most timid children find their way around their early fears, and their dental anxiety doesn’t have to be an exception. With a few helpful strategies in place and a continuous positive attitude even in the most challenging situations, your family trips to the dentist can become a piece of cake!

MiC’s #WednesdayWin – Angelcare Baby Bath Support

By MiC Carine 27/05/2019

Part 4 of our #WednesdayWin series is here!

As you know by now, our Product of the Week reviews are always followed by a #WednesdayWin. And the amazing Baby Bath Support by Angelcare is no exception.

Reviewed and much praised by our MiC Testing Team, you will agree that it is another must-have item for your baby!

Thanks to the wonderfully generous team at Marathon Trading we can this week offer you the chance to win one (of two) of these beauties, and they’re pink, just like the one in this picture!

Of course it’s not just about the awesome look of the item, but the incredible design is also sturdy, hygienic, ergonomic and safe. The material used is free from chemicals, mould and mildew resistant, PLUS it quickly warms to the water temperature and your baby’s body.

So there you have it! Go on, enter the draw to win an Angelcare Baby Bath Support as of today, but be quick, this competition is only open until Monday, June 3!

How can I win this amazing prize?

To enter the competition, simply email: carine@mumsincyprus.com with

“Angelcare Baby Bath Support” in the subject line.

Please also provide us with:

  1. Your full name
  2. The town you reside in (in Cyprus)
  3. Your mobile telephone number

THE COMPETITION WILL CLOSE ON MONDAY, JUNE 3 2019 AT 17:00!

The winner will be drawn and announced on or after Wednesday June 5th.

The amazing bath support will then be sent via courier to the lucky winner!

Just in case you don’t want to wait until the 5th and prefer to bathe your baby immediately in such a highly comfortable and secure bath support, or you prefer to own the blue version, you can buy it at New Baby City, Mamatoto and Mothercare across Cyprus, as well as online with WaysExpress.com.

Good luck 🙂

 

 

MiC Product of the Week: Angelcare Baby Bath Support

By MiC Carine 22/05/2019

It’s part four of our Marathon Trading series of family-friendly, must-have inventions! We are delighted to present to you another wonderful ‘free from nasties’ product, the Baby Bath Support from Angelcare.

With its incredibly sturdy, hygienic, ergonomic and safe design, this bath support does exactly what it says on the tin (well, packaging in this case): it fully supports your baby in the bath.

While this may seem obvious, you may also know that not all baby bath support seats are created equal. This one is clearly superior and safe in every possible way, taking the worry out of bath time.

Here are the facts:

  • no nasties or toxins – no Benzyl butyl phthalate (BBP), no Bisphenol A (BPA), no Diethylhexyl Phthalate (DEHP) and no Dibutyl Phthalate (DBP) either
  • because the bath support is made with mesh material that allows water to drain easily from the bath support and dry quickly, it is mould and mildew resistant
  • the top layer of soft material warms quickly to the bath water and baby’s body temperature
  • the ergonomic design provides optimal support and keeps your baby perfectly centered, keeping it from rolling, slouching or falling sideways into the water

But, as we always say, you don’t need to take our word for it. That’s why we have our magnificent MiC Testing Team test these products in real-life situations, with their babies.

Anne Marie is one of the Angelcare Baby Bath Support testers, she loves ‘the modern, contemporary look of the seat and how light it is to carry, but sturdy at the same time. The product looks perfect, is easy to clean and feels so safe and secure when in use’.

She adds ‘when using a conventional bath and stand, I’ve worried so much about being safe while using it, that it has taken the fun out of bath time. I definitely need this seat, as I no longer have to constantly worry whether my baby will be ok, I know that she is safe in the seat because the product is well designed and easy to use. It gives me peace of mind; I can play and bathe my baby safely at the same time.’ Overall Anne Marie found the seat was easy to use, the instructions were clear and simple.

Our second MiC Tester Lucy ‘was interested in this product because of its shape and bright colour. It looked like a very stable and secure product for giving a bath to my child.’ And once she started using it, she confirms ‘I really like the design, the material feels great, no sharp edges. The centre of the product is very soft and comfortable for the baby to sit in. My baby loves this, he sits there very comfortably, enjoying his bath, laughing and moving with his hands and feet. It provides me with ability to enjoy bathing my baby with security.’

Would Lucy suggest the bath support? ‘I would definitely recommend this product to another mum. Especially if you have your first baby, this product gives you pleasure, security and you do not have to worry about drowning your child. You can wash him with shampoo and foams and because he sits so securely and comfortably you can easily wash the soaps out without the help of your husband or other members of the family. Your baby will like it for sure, as they feel comfortable and secure sitting on this inside the bathtub’

Well, you heard it here first 😊

Go ahead and place the Angelcare Baby Bath Support on your list of your baby care ‘Must-Have’ items, you will not regret it. After all, nothing is more important than the safety aspect in everything we do for our children!

You can find this product at New Baby City, Mamatoto and Mothercare across Cyprus, as well as online with WaysExpress.com. They all stock them in Pink and Blue.

But if you would like to try your luck at winning one instead, stay tuned! Thanks to the generous team at Marathon Trading, we’re giving you a chance to win one of two Angelcare Baby Bath Support seats in our upcoming MiC Members-Only Exclusive #WednesdayWin competition!

p.s. you’re welcome!

MiC’s #WednesdayWin – NUBY Weaning Net Nibbler

By MiC Carine 06/05/2019

The #WednesdayWin is back!

Kicking off our #WednesdayWin series courtesy of Marathon Trading, we are delighted to introduce to you one of the finest weaning hacks ever invented: the Weaning Net Nibbler by NUBY.

Apart from being mess-free, risk-free and wonderfully BPA-free, it really is perfect for introducing new foods and textures, like fruits and vegetables. The childproof, easy squeeze and twist locking system prevents the baby from opening the net, and the food item cannot drop out.

Our Product of the Week has thoroughly been tested by our MiC Testing Team. Read all about their feedback here, you can also meet the babies while you’re at it (very cute indeed!)

You can enter to win one of three Nibblers as of today, but be quick, this competition is only open until Monday, May 13!

How can I win one of these wonderful Nibblers?

To enter the competition, simply email: carine@mumsincyprus.com with

“NUBY Nibbler” in the subject line.

Please also provide us with:

  1. Your full name
  2. The town you reside in (in Cyprus)
  3. Your mobile telephone number

THE COMPETITION WILL CLOSE ON MONDAY, MAY 13 2019 AT 17:00!

Once the three winners have been drawn, they will be announced on or after Wednesday May 15th.

The NUBY Nibbler will then be sent via courier to the lucky winners!

Just in case you don’t want to wait until the 15th and prefer to go and buy the NUBY Nibbler for your weaning baby right away, you can get them at Mamatoto, Mothercare, WaysExpress.com and in all pharmacies across Cyprus.

Good luck 🙂

 

From working long hours to working none hours

By Anthi 05/02/2019

I never thought that being a working mom VS being a stay at home mom would be such a controversial topic. In the year 2019, I still see people surprised by a woman’s choice to stay or not to stay home to raise her kid/kids (yes I have seen surprised faces for both decisions). But guess what? Nobody has a say in this apart from the mother and the father of the child/children. So do not mistake this post as a guidance or taking sides post; it is just my personal experience and what works for me and my family now, at this stage of motherhood while acknowledging that what works might be different at a later stage.

Let me start from the beginning which is at my senior year at university when we had to apply for a job. I always had good grades and I was very ambitious so coming from a BSc Accounting and Finance degree, the next step was becoming a Chartered Accountant. I was one of the successful candidates to the trainee programme of one of the Big 4 accounting firms which meant long working hours, stressful environment and lots of opportunities to learn and develop but also to be rewarded and promoted. I was not afraid to work on the most demanding projects; on the contrary, I was welcoming every opportunity with open arms because I knew what it would mean for my career. And I was not wrong. All my hard work and tremendous effort was rewarded with bonuses and promotions while I was gaining valuable knowledge that I never thought it was possible for a 25 year old.

After completing 5 years at my first job, I decided I had gained enough knowledge to move on to a new role so I got my dream job at a shipping company. And even though the workload remained enormous, or shall I dare to say even more than my previous job, I was thoroughly enjoying it because this is what I wanted to do. My husband, who I was with even before my first job, was supporting me and rooting for me since day 1 and we were always understanding with each other’s workload while managing to find time for us.

2 years in my dream job, I gave birth to our son. And then, the difficult part began.

In Cyprus, maternity leave was only 4 months (now I think it is 6 but back then it was 4). 4 months! I was fortunate enough to be able to work from home some hours and it was manageable for the first year. I also had support from my mom who also arranged her working schedule so that she could be with my son some hours on a daily basis so that I could be at the office. Ideal scenario right? Yes, for the first year.

The second year, I had a toddler who wanted and needed my undivided attention when I was at home. The workload was the same because business was thriving in Cyprus and no matter how many things I was delegating, I was still in over my head. I was working hard to try and balance both motherhood and my career that I worked so hard to build and I was enjoying so much up until that point. I am ashamed to admit this, but I came to a point that all I wanted when my son was awake was for nap time or bed time to come so I could do my job. And this was also affecting him because he was feeling my anxiety and he came to a point that he couldn’t tolerate me being even for a second on my phone or on my laptop anymore.

So I was faced with a dilemma. I either had to hire a nanny/find a nursery or quit my job. I wish I could say I came to a decision after careful consideration but things were not so subtle. I reached my breaking point at work and quit in the heat of the moment. A decision I think I ought to myself to have taken long before that but I was pushing myself to balance the version of motherhood I had in my head and the mother I wanted to be with the workaholic career oriented woman I was before becoming a mother. I ignored all the signs before my breaking point because “we expect women to work like they don’t have children and raise children as if they don’t work”. I read this somewhere recently and it made total sense to me; we are setting unrealistic standards for ourselves.

Fast forward 9 months later, I am still a stay at home mom and I truly and wholeheartedly appreciate it because this is exactly what I need, what my son needs and what my family needs at this specific point in time. Our lifestyle is different because our household income has decreased but we are happier. One of my wise friends told me that career will always be there to chase whenever I want but our kids will not be this small forever and they will not need us as much. Yes, I do miss my dream job, I even feel guilty for leaving and I would love to return one day but for now, this is what works for us.

Bottom line, there is no such thing as being a better mom if you work or if you do not work. Every mom is different and every mom should follow her instincts on this topic, same as on every topic, and nothing else. If you are a working mom, I see you and I am rooting for you. If you are a stay at home mom, I see you and I am rooting for you. If you are a working from home mom, I see you and I am rooting for you. We are all in this motherhood gig together.

Yours truly Anthi Savva Radis

You can find more about Anthi here 

Birth Forward

By MiC Carine 11/01/2019

Support and education around the subject of birth

Birth Forward is an islandwide non-profit Organisation, which provides support and education around the important subject of birth.
Our mission is to connect the parents and health professionals to promotes Evidence Based Medical Practices and European Standards which are all supporting natural birth when possible.

More…

Secondary infertility followed by a miscarriage – My story

By Anthi 19/11/2018

It blows my mind how quickly people turn from “How cute is your baby?” to “It’s about time to make another one!” which can feel like someone stabs you in the heart. But, personally, I don’t mind straighforwardness, instead I welcome it because I have started to get more and more open with myself and others and this has given me a sense of freedom and calmness that I never had before. Sharing has been the reason that I kept going when our second’s baby tiny heart stopped beating at 9 weeks gestation because by sharing I was keeping his/her memory alive and that was exactly what I needed. But it has grown to be something more because when I first shared about it as a caption to a photo I uploaded on my Instagram, I received so many messages from women who had to go through the same thing and they were keeping it a secret because of a number of reasons but they felt that it was ok to share it with me because I also shared it with them. So this is my story. And I hope you can find some sort of comfort by reading it because if you read this, you probably go through something similar.

To take things from the beginning, my husband and I have been together for almost a decade now and our love is unquestionable. We were married in June 2015, we went to our honeymoon in July-August 2015 and in October 2015 we decided to start trying for a baby, we were both ready and we wanted it so much! We were ecstatic to find out that we got pregnant the first time we tried and we were more ecstatic at 12-weeks to find out that our baby was healthy because both of us are carriers of the beta thalasseamia gene which means that we have 1/4 chance that our baby will have beta-thalasseamia.

I had a smooth pregnancy even though I was working long hours and was stressing myself out. Getting pregnant was easy for me and the pregnancy was easy too! The only difficulty was when was my water broke at 39 weeks and I had to have an emergency c section which was really hard for me at first but I recovered beautifully and then, in October 2017, we decided to start trying again.

Getting pregnant the first time was easy for me yes, but not the second time around. I know my body and I know when I ovulate, I can feel all the symptoms. Yet, every single month, my period was coming. After 7 months of trying, I decided to visit my gynecologist even though everyone says to wait one year before asking for help but given that my husband and I have that 1/4 chance of our baby having beta thalassemia and all the complications that come with it, I did not want to wait. I had a screening and some blood tests to see the levels of my hormones but everything was normal so her recommendation was just to keep trying and not stress about it. I know that stress is also a factor but by that time, I had quit my stressful job and decided to become a stay at home mom until I manage to find a balance between motherhood and career.

Eventually, after 9 months of trying, my period did not come! Needless to say, we were both thrilled because we would finally give to our beloved son a sibling! I went to my gynaecologist at 5 weeks and she confirmed the pregnancy, at 6 weeks 2 days we heard the heartbeat and everything was going smoothly! One night, I had very light bleeding but I was not worried because it was very very very light and it was gone after 2 wipes.  It is afterall very common. Everything was going great with my pregnancy, I only had mild pregnancy symptoms, fatigue mostly but nothing else. I was able to do everything with my toddler just like before, I was just careful to not pick him up because he was 14kg and I did not want to have any complications caused by picking up so much weight so early in the pregnancy.

And then, at 9 weeks 2 days I had another routine appointment with my gynaicologist. Everything was fine until she told me there was no heartbeat. No bleeding no cramps no anything miscarriage related. Just no heartbeat. Something about abnormal chromosomes, bad shaped embryo, dead for 2-3 days, not my fault. Really, I couldn’t hear anything after not hearing the heartbeat. I cried the whole drive home. The next day I had a D&C procedure performed. I was crying before the general anesthesia and right after waking up from it. After a few hours I left the hospital with an empty uterus. I went home to our son and started healing both physically and emotionally but I knew I was forever changed.

There are so many women that suffer a miscarriage yet it is such a stigma to share it for some reason and most of them suffer in silence, especially those who haven’t been able to have any children yet. But I have the need to publicly share my miscarriage and my pain because it is the only way to publicly acknowledge the existence of our beloved unborn baby who will always be a part of our family and our hearts and grieve its unbearable loss.

When someone asks me if our son is our first child I answer yes. If someone asks me if he is our only child I respond with we had a miscarriage and we lost our second baby at 9 weeks pregnant. Because this is a fact. This is our truth. Both are our babies. Our babies. We will try again. As I write this article, I am calm. I am ok. I know that 1 in 4 pregnancies results in a miscarriage. It can be scary but this is nature. There are days that I still cry. But I remember him/her every day and I do not cry every day.

In Cyprus, at 40 days after birth, the mother and the newborn go to the church so that the priest can read blessings to them. I did not know until my grandmother told me a few days before my 40-day after miscarriage period that the mother still goes to the church 40 days after miscarriage. Needless to say I was devastated even though I am religious. How can I go to the church for blessings without a child? Without my baby in my arms? But I reluctantly went. I was crying like that first day that I learnt that there was no more a heartbeat. I struggled telling the priest what I wanted and he had to ask me twice because he could not understand what I was saying with my crying voice. And then he started reading me the blessing. By the end, I was able to breathe again and even smile. It was so comforting and cathartic for me.

In a world that keeps spinning no matter what you are going through, never stop seeking what truly works for your. For me, it is sharing and trusting in God’s plan. Loving truly and deeply. Forgiving (this I still have to work on!). Never letting go but also keep going. Life is a gift and it must be enjoyed! If you lost a baby, it is ok to grieve for as long as you want. If you struggling with getting pregnant, it is ok to be frustrated. But at the same time, find the strength to live with it. Because if I learnt anything from my experience is that life is worth living!

Yours truly

Anthi Savva Radis

 

You can find out more about Anthi here.

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