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This Mum Life

By Junebug 06/06/2019

What does a day entail?

Do you really want me to drag you through that?

About the time you think you will get to sit down, you may notice that one of your children wiped their dirty hands on the couch, or a pile of ants have appeared under the sink, or the laundry buzzer goes off, or all three at once.

Maybe you’re glad to finally be home after a three-hour play gym session of NOISE NOISE NOISE. You deserve to relax. After what you’ve endured, you should finally be able to put your feet up.

Walking through the door gives a sense of relief, until you realize the little one’s diaper needs changing. The other one calls you from the toilet also needing your assistance.

Your brain is going very fast prioritizing who to help first, how to get the milk from the car, and how to feed and bath them before bed. And it’s already nearly bed time.

And what about that sitting down part? After the urgent tasks are done, the little one is on the loose creating more and more work for you. You must get cartoons on ASAP, so you can at least get the groceries inside.

Finally, both kids are content, but then you remember that they didn’t drink enough water the whole afternoon and they were playing HARD. Get them water, then bring in the groceries.

Maybe this is your chance to relax, but they didn’t eat their chicken nuggets earlier. Should have gone with the pizza. Or maybe just leave it tonight? You imagine them waking up asking for a bowl of cereal, and so you turn on the oven, and begin to cut some fruit to get SOME vitamins into their growing bodies.

Sitting down is feeling far away, but getting closer. Going to skip the bath tonight. Tummies full, teeth brushed, stories read, and now they are fast asleep, which is the pay off you deserve for wearing them out.

And NOW you finally get to sit down. Your tummy growls and it’s time to feed yourself, and you decide to just skip it and go for the wine.

 

Author: junebug 

Ask the Expert: Belina Louvrou – The Importance of Play Therapy

By MiC Team 03/04/2019

We haven’t done an #AsktheExpert for a while but after meeting Belina Louvrou at a recent event, we decided it was high time to do another interview! Belina is a Child & Adolescent Psychotherapist MBACP, specialising in Play Therapy who has recently established a Play Therapy & Parenting Support centre in Limassol.

 

Belina, welcome. Play Therapy is a relatively new concept to Cyprus. Could you please tell us a bit more about what Play Therapy is?

Play Therapy is a form of psychotherapy for children and adolescents and it is based upon the fact that play is the child’s natural medium of self-expression. As adults, when we have worries or experience a tough time we usually use words to express ourselves and make sense of our situation for children, it is often much easier to use the language of play. The play therapy toolkit includes art, clay, music, sand tray, movement, therapeutic storytelling, puppets, drama and role-play.

What are the benefits of Play Therapy and how can it be more suitable than other types of therapy for children?

Play Therapy is more suitable than other types of therapy because it uses play which is the natural medium of communication and expression for children. There is a reason why children spend so much time playing: play is the way that children learn and develop, understand the world around them and express their feelings. Through Play Therapy children are able to:

  • Process emotions that they may not be able to express in other ways.
  • Develop independence and creative thinking
  • Improve their social skills and the ability to respect others
  • Create stronger relationships with family members.
  • Present a decrease in undesirable behaviours and increased capacity to regulate their own behaviour

What ages is Play Therapy most suitable for?

Although many therapists suggest that Play Therapy is more suitable for children 3-12 years old it can also be used effectively with adolescents. With younger children play therapy is non-directive but with older children and adolescents it can be adjusted and be more directive to have better results.

How can Play Therapy help a child who is having difficulties?

Play Therapy can help children who are experiencing a range of social or emotional difficulties such as: anxiety, stress, phobias, parental and family separation, friendship difficulties, low self-confidence, mood swings or inappropriate emotional responses, communication and behavioural delays or difficulties, bereavement, trauma or abuse, autism or ADHD etc.

Children don’t always have the language skills to convey what they are feeling in words, especially if they experience traumatic events at very young age. Instead they may express their pain in undesirable or mal-adaptive ways such as sever tantrums, excessive crying, becoming socially withdrawn or clingy, refusing to attend school. In Play Therapy, the therapist provides children with a more adaptive method of expressing  themselves, through the language of play. Play Therapy also helps children to develop skills that will allow them to manage their own behaviours.

The child is given opportunities to test limits in a safe environment, allowing them to increase the awareness of the consequences of their actions. For instance they may choose to destroy their clay creation but they will learn that once they do that they will no longer have it. Children often spend a big part of their day being told what to do and even though this is necessary children also need to learn to think for themselves. In Play Therapy the children lead and the therapist follows. They choose what happens in the room by selecting the activities that they participate in. Children have the opportunity to make choices for themselves in a supportive environment. The play therapy room is a non judgemental space where children can express themselves freely. Within the trusting relationship with the therapist, children have the opportunity to test out different aspects of social interactions with the therapist without the fear of being judged, or rejected or damaging the relationship. For instance a child may choose whether to cheat on a board game to check how the therapist will react and the therapist can explore this choice with the child.

What does Play Therapy involve? What would happen during a ‘typical’ Play Therapy session?

Play Therapy is mainly non-directive. When children come in to the play room, they choose what and how to play. The first time we meet, I explain to the children in age-appropriate language that they can play in any way they want to but we have one very important rule and that is that myself and the child and all the things in the room are safe and I explain further what safe means. Then I let them choose what they want to do. I follow their lead, participate in their play when invited, as well as providing observations and reflections that will help children to learn more about themselves and their world.  My role is to interact with them in a consistently warm, accepting and respectful way that will allow us to build a trusting relationship.

At the beginning of the session children also have a calendar in which they see when they are coming for Play Therapy. They also have their own ‘special box’ which I keep safe for them in they play room for as long as they come for therapy. In the box they put everything they create during our sessions. At our last session together the take the box with them but they can choose what they want to do with all their creations; if they want to keep them or not and what we should with them. Some children choose to keep everything others they want to keep only few things and then they decide what to do with the rest. Most of the time children are really looking forward to their last session because they can take their box with them and everything that they created during Play Therapy. It is something for them to remember our time together in the play room.

How long is Play Therapy needed?

Children usually receive a minimum of 12 sessions of individual Play Therapy, lasting 45 minutes each. Consistency is a vital part of the Play Therapy process. The sessions are held at the same time, in the same place each week. It’s important to think carefully about when sessions will take place to ensure that the schedule can be maintained throughout. Research suggests that it takes an average of 20 play therapy sessions to resolve the problems of the typical child referred for treatment. Of course some children may improve much faster while more serious or ongoing problems may take longer to resolve.

Are their cases where children don’t respond to Play Therapy? What do you do in that case?

Every child is different and will respond in a different way to Play Therapy. For some children it might take longer to see a change, for others change might happen quickly. Therapy is not a straightforward quick solution; it is a gradual process. In fact, things can get worse before they gets better. In Play Therapy we go with the child’s pace, which means that some children might need more time to build a trusting relationship with the therapist, which will allow them to express themselves and process what is happening in their life.

However, there might be cases where children don’t want to stay in the play room for the whole session – they might want to leave earlier, or want their parents with them or even don’t want to come at all. If they want to leave earlier we might consider having sessions for 20 or 30 minutes to see how the child will respond and then gradually increase the length of the session. If the child wants his parent with him we might ask the parent to stay with the child for 10-15 minutes at the beginning of the session until the child feels comfortable to stay only with the therapist. Then, gradually we decrease the amount of time that the parent stays in the play room until the child is able to stay only with the therapist.  If the child refuses to come for play therapy usually we offer 2 more sessions. If after 3 sessions the child continues to refuse to come for play therapy or he still wants to leave early or have his parent with might consider that the child is not ready yet for Play Therapy. In this case we can refer the child to another professional who we think might be able to help the child more.

 

Belina is a registered member of the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) with a registration number 238718. After completing her undergraduate studies in Psychology in Greece, she moved to London where she studied and worked for 7,5 years. During that time she completed her MSc in Child, Adolescent and Family Mental Health and her psychotherapy training in Play Therapy. She has worked in primary schools and children’s centres with disadvantaged families and children with complex needs offering Play Therapy and Parenting support. She is also trained in different parenting programmes. In 2018, she moved to Limassol where she created The Healing Stars, offering Play Therapy and Parenting Support. The idea was to create a safe space for children and families where they can receive the help that they need through a holistic approach and the mission is to “support children and families to have emotionally healthy lives”. Belina is bilingual and she can work with families and children in either Greek or English.

If you would like to get in contact with Belina to see how she can help your child/ren or your family, you can find all the relevant links and contact details below:

t: 99 874 917

e: belina@thehealingstars.com

w: www.thehealingstars.com/

fb: @thehealingstars

insta: @thehealingstars

The Healing Stars
Play Therapy and Parenting Support
Ethnikis Antistaseos 9, KWS Court, Apartment 303,
Limassol, 3022

 

How Stress Affects Kids and How to Help Them Cope

By MiC Team 01/10/2018

This is a guest post from Lisa Gargaro, Certified Sleep Consultant @ Lisa Gargaro Sleep.Co

Feeling stressed has almost become the norm for many overstretched, busy families. Think about it—when was the last time your family—or any family, for that matter— enjoyed a long stretch of together time without being glued to a smart phone or other electronic device or looking at your watch?

It is not thought that stress can actually be good for you although one type of stress called ‘eustress’ can actually be positive and productive—eustress is the kind of stress that’s healthful or helps you feel fulfilled (for example, the kind you experience when you do enjoyable exercise or challenge yourself in some way). Many people & children suffer far too often from negative stress though. All that stress leads us to cope with our lives & situations in unhealthy ways. These then take their toll on overall health and wellbeing. Unfortunately, stress is not just a problem for adults. There’s evidence that teens & young children are also vulnerable to stress and its effects.

The latest Stress in America SurveyTM by the American Psychological Association (APA) polled adults as well as 1,018 teens, ages 13 to 17, who live in the United States about stress over the previous month. While American adults continue to report higher stress levels than what they believe to be healthy, the survey also reveals that the patterns of unhealthy stress behaviours we see in adults impact teens as well. According to the survey, many American teens report experiencing stress at unhealthy levels, appear uncertain in their stress management techniques and experience symptoms of stress in numbers that mirror adults’ experiences. Stress during the teen years also seems to take a toll on activity, nutrition and lifestyle behaviours’ that no doubt contributes to current and future habits and health.

This stress impacts teens in myriad ways. The survey shows, for example, that 36% of teens report fatigue/feeling tired; 35% report lying awake at night; 32% report they have headaches; and 23% report skipping a meal.

The report also reveals that teens are less aware than adults about the impact stress can have on their physical and mental health. In fact, 42% of teens say they often don’t know what to do to manage their stress or they aren’t sure if they are doing enough to manage it. Fifty-one percent report that while stress management is important to them, more than 1 in 10 report they never set aside time to manage stress. And 55% of teens say they set aside time to manage stress only a few times a month at most. Although 37% exercise or walk and 28% play sports to manage stress, many teens cope with stress by engaging in sedentary behaviours. For example, a lot of teens report turning to screens to cope with stress. In fact, 46% report they play video games, 43% surf the internet or go online and 36% watch TV or movies to cope with stress. Playing computer games & watching screens then has a negative effect on the zeitgebers causing sleep issues which creates a downward spiral effect.

When it comes to teen girls especially, the report reveals that stress impacts behaviours that relate to food. For example, 39% say they eat too much or too little, 35% report overeating or eating unhealthy foods, 31% report skipping a meal and 22% report a change in appetite when stressed.

It’s clear from this APA survey that both the young and old (and those of us in between) are vulnerable to the effects of stress. Whether it’s is related to school or work, relationships, finances, or any combination of factors, stress is an inevitable part of everyone’s life. If we often perceive all that happens around us in negative ways, and it makes us cope in less-than-healthy ways, stress can take a huge toll on us (not to mention those around us).

Studies suggest that stress can have negative effects on our eating and fitness habits and on our ability to fall asleep—and stay asleep.

As discussed in the Stress in AmericaTM survey, studies also suggest stress can weaken immunity and exhaust the body, increase inflammation in the body (and thereby increase cardiovascular disease risk), and make us more vulnerable to colds.

Because of the many perils of stress, it’s imperative that parents find ways to manage stress positively and productively. A tall order, I know. But because our kids see what we do and how we handle different situations and stressors, for better or worse, we need to model as best we can positive ways of perceiving and coping with stress. If we prioritize finding positive and productive ways to handle challenges, it’s more likely our kids will see our example and learn to cope better as well.

While there’s no one size fits all strategy to manage stress, a combination of behaviours can help us all cope better and enhance our overall health and wellbeing. Staying physically active, engaging in exercise and sitting less can temper stress. Finding activities we enjoy—especially outside in the sunshine—can boost mood and help our hearts be healthier. Eating a wide variety of nutrient-rich foods from all the basic food groups—whole grains, fruits, vegetables, lean protein foods, low fat dairy and healthy fats—throughout the day and at regular intervals can help steady blood sugar levels and have mood-boosting and other benefits. Connecting with others regularly, laughing and meditating can also help. Getting enough sleep by having regular, consistent bedtimes can also help us avoid fatigue that no-doubt can in and of itself contribute to unhealthy behaviours.

Sometimes, no matter what we do, stress will get the best of us. But when we try our best to cope and nothing seems to work, there’s no shame in seeking help from a qualified health professional (eg a psychologist).

If your child or teenager is showing signs of sleep problems or stress then please reach out. My knowledge and background in both psychology and sleep places me a very good & secure place to help with this.

I am Lisa Gargaro, an expert sleep consultant and I can produce a personally tailored individual sleep program for your baby which details exactly how and what you will need to do to help your baby or child to sleep independently for 10-12 hours each night. With good sleep, the behaviour of your child will be dramatically improved as a result. Please contact me directly to chat about how I can help you, making sleepless nights a thing of the past and every night a great one from now.

If you are an adult who suffers from insomnia I am also able to help you sleep. With a personally tailored sleep program and with the use of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), we can train you to sleep so you don’t view bedtime as the enemy anymore.

Being a mother of 4 children I understand & relate to how important it is for the whole family to sleep, this is my passion & goal to help other families achieve this by helping them gain the knowledge & support they may need.

 

website: www.lisagargarosleep.co/

facebook: @LisaGargaroSleep.co

e: lisa@lisagargarosleep.co

t: 00357 99260557

Skype name: dream.sleep.club

Most Stressful Situations for Kids and How to Deal with Them

By Tracey 12/06/2017

Stressful situations such as divorce, major illness or financial problems can result in intense feelings both in children and adults. When parenting during such periods, bear in mind that stress may affect your child differently from how it affects you as a parent. Here’s how you can help your children cope with some of the most difficult situations.

Illness

Illness is a significant stress or for the entire family, regardless of whom it affects. Children find comfort in routines. Try to maintain the same rituals, whether it’s the time you eat dinner, a regular homework time, or the Friday night movie tradition. Resist the urge to overindulge or overprotect your children. That only seems like you doubt their competence and ability to get through this difficult situation. Try to balance adequate support with confidence in your child’s inner strength.

Financial problems

Financial issues can disrupt a family life. Children can sense when their parents are being anxious, but they may not fully understand what’s happening. Explain to them the changes that will affect their current lifestyle and be as honest as you can. Make sure that they know you’ll take care of them. Also, encourage them to share their ideas on where to cut back on family spending. Spend some quality time together by visiting parks, riding bikes, or playing board games. These activities require little to no money and they are a great way to shelter your children from excessive worrying.

Divorce

Divorce takes a great emotional toll on everyone, especially on children. Make clear to your kids that the divorce isn’t their fault. Encourage them to share their feelings and offer your understanding and support. Remain on civil terms with your former partner. Don’t put children in the middle of your problems by badmouthing each other in front of them. Let them know that separation is final and don’t let too much time go by, or your children will start thinking that it won’t happen. Also, try to make similar rules in each home, to make it easier on children to get used to them. Another thing that’s important is to hire a reliable child custody lawyer, if you can’t reach an agreement with your ex-spouse. That way you’ll ensure the kids stay away from the conflict and make their needs and feelings a top priority. Above all, reassure them that both parents will always love them.

Death of a loved one

Children feel and show grief differently when a loved one dies. Respond to their emotions with comfort and reassurance. Answer all their questions and encourage them to talk about their feelings. Let your child know that it takes time to feel better after a loved one dies. Allow them to participate in rituals like funerals, or memorial services and explain them ahead of time what will happen. Most importantly, help your child remember the person. Recalling and sharing happy memories helps activate positive feelings and facilitates the healing process.

Moving

Moving to a new home can have an emotional effect on children, since they are often unwilling to change their current location and may worry about meeting new friends. Let your children participate in the process as much as possible to give them the feeling of contribution. Ask them to help you plan and organize a garage sale, for example. Let them pack a few of their own boxes with their favorite things. Also, allow them to decorate their rooms. Before moving day, take a few trips around the new location to familiarize them with the local area. Most importantly, stay excited, because you’re setting off to a new adventure. If children see your positive attitude, they will also feel enthusiastic about it.

New baby

Children tend to see the arrival of a new baby as an invasion of their territory. Regardless of how happy you feel, remember that siblings’ feelings may not be the same as yours. Acknowledge your older child’s feelings and be ready to discuss their frustrations. Try to balance family time and individual time with parents. Supervise your child’s activities even if it’s sometimes hard to handle them. Empower them by ensuring their help with baby’s care, when appropriate.

Parents and children may respond to stress differently. Make sure to provide stability and meet their needs during hard times.

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